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I won't respond without a of yourself. Send me a and I'll send you one of me.
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Love, dating and relationships in Germany
I am envisioning my new life, relatively joyless, sexless, lonely, and isolated. And all of this angst and sadness is being experienced in secret. How does one handle heartbreak that is a secret?
Part of me wonders if I am even entitled to any of this grief, that maybe I deserve this for being an adulterer. Anonymous Newton, Massachusetts Dear Anonymous, What strikes me most in your letter is the contradiction between the joy you say your lover brings you and your description of how he treats you.
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Instead of seeing his behavior for what it is—manipulative, menacing, controlling, and cruel—you seem to idealize your lover as the source of your happiness, which indicates to me that your distorted ideas about love and connection have deep roots. Meanwhile, in your marriage, as in many marriages that lack physical intimacy, what you see reflected back to you is likely the opposite: You feel invisible, undesired, and unheard when it lovds to your wants and needs.
Asit neet form in the mirror our parents hold up to us. Do they delight in our presence?
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Do they see our beauty? Do they respond to our wants and needs?
Do we matter to them? If so, an image of ourselves as worthy and lovable is reflected back to us, and we begin to integrate it into wi,l positive self-image. Children who lack this reflection experience heartbreak and grieve alone, because the adults they would normally share their inner worlds with are the very people they feel hurt by.